Fake Flowers

"it's all about image, these days." -Yacht Loggins

though i say to myself i care not about image, but is that so true? i LOVE flowers. i often fixate on flowers in the supermarket and wish i could buy them, not to long for lust but to create a surrogate object for affection. my last life in chicago, i would carry them from work on the bus, not destined for anyone but just as personal spectacle, to hold pretty for the sake of pretty. they'd dry out and become crumbs and dirt that i would justify not cleaning up because it was once something i cared about.

fake plastic flowers, however, i've never been into. i've actually hated. i touch them if i see them, and scoff, in my head. sometimes disease skips a generation.

and then, there's my room, my apartment, which i try to cover in fabric plagued with cheesy flower prints. i, in fact, got an awesome old chair at highland park garbage day that i now have in my room, which predictably is bludgeoned with faded flower print. my room, no matter where it is, has become a haven for the supernatural experience of recreating flower and color in the most baudrillardian hyperreal sense, both fake and beautiful, dead and reaffirming. and i love it.

i think it's just a self-reflective reflex for me to cover my life in pretty colors.

monday by weekend

i worked a full day today at my old job, handlebar, as i will fill in occasionally to help both parties out. i need to do laundry and fix my bike. on my bike, i popped a spoke while riding it, and now the back wheel wobbles. i do not want to ride it too much while it's not fixed because it could deteriorate the wheel and other spokes in total by doing so. i do need to start riding my bike more at night, as for convenience and safety. this was brought more to my attention because last night a co-worker was walking home after work and got jumped, and eventually stabbed 7 times and put in the hospital. he's ok though, which is very good. jeff made a new drawing, of which i cannot tell exactly the make up. i will ask him next time i talk to him. i'm excited to see him soon for a wedding in tucson:

[redacted]

1) went to the first full day of the "job" today, and fully decided to not continue it further. i'd never realized how slow time can go by when analyzing computer advertisements for corporate chains OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER. it made running that marathon in 3.5 hours last year seem SIMPLE in comparison, much quicker and easier than this one shitty six hour shift. on the good side, i've already got a little job lined up with my friend russ who owns and runs a company that makes the finest faux meat on the market (www.uptonsnaturals.com), helping out and doing demos at whole foods (n'shit). he has a blog up too, here on blogspot, check it out: uptonsnaturals.blogspot.com for some nice vegan recipes. i'm doing that tomorrow, and also going garbage shopping in the suburbs for some free shit, again. i'll let you know how it goes.

2) kind of a strange thing, an old friend died recently in a car accident. i hadn't talked to him in a while. anyways, i just wanted to put something up, as an explanation of the title. it's mocking internet communication while still being an integral part; it's so people can keep up with me if that want, and it's not meant to disrespect anyone or distance myself from anyone. i love all my friends and family dearly, which i think most know about me quite well. the title 'kill your friends' is such an absurd statement in this sense that it's only me expressing my sense of humor, which i do a bit too much at times. regardless, appreciate your friends, and try to keep up with them more, which i'm trying to do as well. jeff was good friends with the friend who died as well. i need to call jeff.

GARBAGE IN / GARBAGE OUT

i was trained at a "job" today by a woman who smelled of play-dough and had possible facial razor burn. it was the first job offered to me (temp job) and hopefully won't be the last. i'm taking it quickly due to need for money and good hours. easily quit, as well.

you know those ads for stores that you get in the mail and automatically throw away? i basically just put those into a computer, change them, create different ones. i think. it seems like the most pointless thing i've ever done, perhaps, but i can do it while listening to music, and very easily. casual dress, as half the people there are in metal bands; i'm starting to think those ads are less about making pointless garbage that become background noise to a constant consumerism, and more about giving nihilists some rent money and a place to go everyday to be comforted by their (my) shitty background noise to a constant flood of musical entertainment. ah, city.

my secret motives in this "job" (and, again, in quotes because i feel it leads to nothing and is not actual work, however, is paid) are the following:

1) to perhaps find a way to take brant and my address off of the mailing list for those fucking ads, which i've tried quite unsuccessfully to do in every apartment i've ever had;
2) learn the lyrics to the new propagandhi album before they tour through chicago again;
3) lose weight through a constant diet of both bullshit nothings and downtown transit exhaust;
4) free coffee; and
5) cultivate a further sense of born-again virginity.

Return Scene Crime

an appropriate entry for the events that transpired today, as an ice pick into the side of a fleshy and beating blog.

i spent most of the day relaxing around a cover letter, rain, and postponed baseball. the situation decided for me to closely monitor the chicago craigslist 'free' section, which procured within the day: a new table, shelving and hangers for my closet, a can of condensed air, more coffee beans, 2 sweaters, a tea kettle, and a 27 inch daewoo tv with surround sound. no shit! it's fucked up what people give away. and keeping with the theme that i'm completely broke, i decided to try to attend a sold-out and previously quite expensive performance of 'this american life' at the chicago theatre. low and behold, i found a woman at the last minute who had an extra ticket and would trade me a gift card for it! i had gotten the gift card only friday ($50.00 at a local bar/grill, which i would've drank away anyways) from opening a bank account at north community bank and figured it was a smart trade for me.

the title of the 'american life' show was "return to the scene of the crime", with themes revolving around that statement, everything from theft to vehicle accident to therapy to crimes against god. featured were the likes of dan savage and joss whedon giving quite heartfelt, funny, and overall entertaining performances. this particular show was a run-through of a broadcast that will be performed live this thursday, both on the air (npr) and in select movie theaters around the country.

and in returning to the scene, as myself being both a blogger prone to gossip and a consumer prone to theft, i wish to leave this scene behind more or less. however, i still shop, i still pick my thoughts off shelves in front of digital audiences and try to keep secrets out of my pockets (concealment is theft, mind you). so i confess today that i still strive to be an open macbook, but have somewhat sworn to keep drunk blogging to a minimum while i sorely feel that alcohol can be a large catalyst for motivation and creativity in my own personal blogosphere. i made the first step by not getting drunk this weekend, trading my 'get drunk free' card for a theatre ticket, and thus writing because of it. though the talk on the train reminded me of the catch 22:

-3 people, well dressed, my age and style, standing as the blue line was stopped for construction between lake and grand. conversing casual literature, heller's catch 22. i've never read it, but know it's basis, which stops me from having any relevance to the conversation, which i wouldn't be in anyways-

it almost sounds as if i'm spirit celibate? no, but it seems 10 drinks a week as a cut back is significantly sound.

Statement of Purpose

i've decided to start the blog up again, in a slightly different format, as i begin more time spent in chicago.

the idea behind this one stems from an earlier idea of collaboration with my good friend jeff - bf(jef)f. we did a 'zine a couple years ago with his art and my words, and i wanted to do this again, but in a different way. i'm going to put up jeff's art with each of my posts, keeping with the aesthetic, of course. i'm starting with some of jeff's art that has already been posted on the internet, but hopefully will include newer pieces that show his artistic progressions alongside my (hopefully) personal literary ones as well.

the blog will be happenings in my life, nothing terribly special, but interesting if you choose to take interest. i'm currently looking for a job (of which many different opportunities could arise) while again decorating my apartment and catching up with friends in the chicagoland area. i am currently single, childless, and pretty penniless. my ambitions in life still lie within music, socialism and social interaction, exercise (biking and running), some sport, and occasionally choice/drinking/phenomenology. we'll see how all this goes; thanks for keeping up with my life and i hope to keep up with yours. sincerely.

current reading: the art of willa cather (various)

current listening: another green world (eno)