diary of thinking that changes with setting, support:
the presence of something. positive reinforcement; negative criticism. but at least the presence means SOMETHING, directionality, not stagnant. think of the metaphor of a roller coaster, ups and downs bring excitement. would you get on a roller coaster that didn't go up or down, left or right, and just brought you from one destination to another? probably not. though with cars and jobs we succeed despite. but we wouldn't pay for it, and we wouldn't ride the 5 minute ride, as short sight would prove our instincts. that said:
i've been at a disposition to write since the middle of college. i've enjoyed it. but as of late, it hasn't come as easily, or at all, for stretches of time. not to judge, but it feels absent, my creativity. and now i'm writing about writing--------------
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Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
a truly giving god
it is wednesday afternoon and i am in athens georgia.
the plant life is beautiful despite the untimely season of my visit. it is very nice weather, and though everyone is cold at night it can't compare much to chicago at the moment. margaret was sweeping the bike shop, we were talking. she dumped the amassed dirt and dust and debris into the wastebasket; as we spoke, we stopped, and she became paralyzed with anxiety. i was oblivious to it. i am often oblivious to my own emotions, drinking is often a false idol of brain activity, drinking is often a cause to obliviousness. the sun shone on my body and i zipped down my jacket. a man asked me for money and i declined. i fell asleep last night with my phone on by accident, blankets folded on top of me as cover.
it is dusk on wednesday, and i am in the state of georgia.
the plant life is beautiful despite the untimely season of my visit. it is very nice weather, and though everyone is cold at night it can't compare much to chicago at the moment. margaret was sweeping the bike shop, we were talking. she dumped the amassed dirt and dust and debris into the wastebasket; as we spoke, we stopped, and she became paralyzed with anxiety. i was oblivious to it. i am often oblivious to my own emotions, drinking is often a false idol of brain activity, drinking is often a cause to obliviousness. the sun shone on my body and i zipped down my jacket. a man asked me for money and i declined. i fell asleep last night with my phone on by accident, blankets folded on top of me as cover.
it is dusk on wednesday, and i am in the state of georgia.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
past mid-fucking-november?!
explanationss s s s s s s s
my computer is still fucked
and i've been drinking.
STILL:
1) make lists to keep in order and remember any mundane tasks i may need to do to keep my life continuing.
2) keep working as busser at restaurant, using alcohol coffee sarcasm to complete day's work.
3) feign a continuing interest in music, but feel content sitting on my couch and just staring.
4) take vacations to remember what life used to be like. spend money unwisely.
5) hot showers.
6) 6 6 thanks for remembering to think, matt, to write, to lose your creativity in exhaustion and exhaustion.
my computer is still fucked
and i've been drinking.
STILL:
1) make lists to keep in order and remember any mundane tasks i may need to do to keep my life continuing.
2) keep working as busser at restaurant, using alcohol coffee sarcasm to complete day's work.
3) feign a continuing interest in music, but feel content sitting on my couch and just staring.
4) take vacations to remember what life used to be like. spend money unwisely.
5) hot showers.
6) 6 6 thanks for remembering to think, matt, to write, to lose your creativity in exhaustion and exhaustion.
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